Something Old, Something New

I Promised to post a funny bear story for your perusal a few weeks ago. Well, here it is, "Something Old"

Now here’s the funny story I promised. As all of you know, we enjoy camping quite a lot. We started out with a tent, graduated to a camper shell, moved on to a tent trailer and finally, a fifth wheel trailer. One of our favorite areas to camp is Mammoth Lakes. The rugged natural beauty of the area keeps us going back. There’s a rumor going around that I go only for the fishing… but that’s another story. I dutifully try to buy good camping equipment that will last for a while. Early in our camping experiences, I purchased a camping cook kit. Kind of a glorified mess kit actually. I was proud of that thing, such a wonder to cram all that stuff into such a small package. When the kids were a lot younger and we were in the tent trailer stage, we camped in coldwater campground. The area is known to have bears occasionally. In reality, the area is the favored route the local bears use to forage in the region’s many garbage cans and dumpsters. These bears have never met an ice chest they didn’t love. For some of the more timid campers this can be quite disconcerting. The campground host’s advice is always the same. Put your food away to prevent any marauding bears from attacking your ice chest and make lots of noise when you encounter one. Well, Tammy being the somewhat seasoned camper she was took the noise advice literally. She passed out pans, tin plates and spoons to bang on them with to the kids. Her weapon of choice was the lid / frying pan off my prized camping cook kit. While we were enjoying the after dinner campfire a rather young bear wandered as they often do between our campsite and the one behind us. I’ve often observed this behavior in bears that have a regular round of dumpsters and campgrounds. I pointed and said “hey, look at the…” Before I could say, “bear,” the fire circle erupted into a cacophony of ringing pans, clanging aluminum skillets and a frenzy of ear piercing screeches. Before I could stand up, the fire circle was devoid of female humanity in any form as they all piled into the trailer with a screeching racket to seek refuge from the bear.
The dust was still rising as the bear stood up, looked at us and decided he’d better get the heck out of Dodge. As the ear-splitting din subsided, I turned to see what had caused the ringing in my ears and had sent my nerves somewhere near Pluto. My ears were numb with the after effects of an atomic blast to my eardrums. I’m sure there were news reports of a frothing bear that was not seen but only heard, as the sound barrier was broken for the first time by a young bruin. The report would have surely concluded with the sighting of a bear crumpled up in a sobbing heap near some tree that he collided with as he’d recklessly sought a safe passage out of the county. I was positive that we’d be excommunicated from the forest for cruelty to adolescent bears. I still hear rumors of a bear in the Inyo National Forest that begins to suck his thumb and tremble uncontrollably at the mere whisper of metal being beaten with a feather. Tammy was quite elated that the bear had left as she nervously clutched the camping cook kit’s lid / frying pan in one hand and a big wooden spoon with the other. As I walked over to the trailer to calm things down a little, I observed the real victim in the melee’. Alas, dear camping cook kit’s lid / frying pan we barely knew ye. My camping cook kit’s lid / frying pan will never be the same. It began the trip as a well-used but straight and serviceable piece of camping equipment. It is now a mere whisper of it's former self. It can only be used as a handicapped version of it’s serviceable shape before the unprovoked attack. We loved that camping cook kit’s lid / frying pan. I bought it from a camping outlet when I was employed at Forest Home probably 10 years before. While it will forever bear the dents and twisting of metallurgic genocide, it is forever a memorial, nay a magnificent testament to the many fun camping trips we've had.

Now for "Something New"

I have noticed my girlish figure expanding over the last 30 or so years and have decided to try to do something about it... again. I purchased a bicycle trainer. For those who are uninitiated in the cycling world, this is a device that you can attach your existing bicycle to that allows you to ride to your heart's content or detriment as the case may be in a stationary position. That is, indoors in the air conditioned comfort of my home. I can watch old reruns of "Hogan's Heroes" while I hopefully pedal my way to a slimmer healthier more beautiful me. Well maybe not beautiful but if I'm going to dream lets dream BIG OK? Look out Adonis! So far the only disadvantage I see is the pain in my posterior from the lack of riding the last year or two. Yes, the old glutes are out of shape along with the substantial dunlops investment over-hanging my belt. Stay tuned for the blow by blow excitement of "Pedals for Brother Fred" or "How to Make a Peeping Tom Throw Up."

My favorite Olympic moment so far: When our relay team clobbered the frenchies in the 400 meter freestyle swim to take the gold. Go ahead and talk your smack frenchie...


Until next time...

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Me Hearties!!!!!!

OLD GUYS RULE!!!